KING LEAR 2.2

Before Gloucester's castle.

[Enter KENT and OSWALD, severally]

OSWALD Good dawning to thee, friend: art of this house?

KENT Ay.

OSWALD Where may we set our horses?

KENT I' the mire.

OSWALD Prithee, if thou lovest me, tell me. 5

KENT I love thee not.

OSWALD Why, then, I care not for thee.

KENT If I had thee in Lipsbury pinfold, I would make thee

care for me.

OSWALD Why dost thou use me thus? I know thee not. 10

KENT Fellow, I know thee.

OSWALD What dost thou know me for?

KENT A knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; a

base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited,

hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a 15

lily-livered, action-taking knave, a whoreson,

glass-gazing, super-serviceable finical rogue;

one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a

bawd, in way of good service, and art nothing but

the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar, 20

and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch: one whom I

will beat into clamorous whining, if thou deniest

the least syllable of thy addition.

OSWALD Why, what a monstrous fellow art thou, thus to rail

on one that is neither known of thee nor knows thee! 25

KENT What a brazen-faced varlet art thou, to deny thou

knowest me! Is it two days ago since I tripped up

thy heels, and beat thee before the king? Draw, you

rogue: for, though it be night, yet the moon

shines; I'll make a sop o' the moonshine of you: 30

draw, you whoreson cullionly barber-monger, draw.

[Drawing his sword]

OSWALD Away! I have nothing to do with thee.

KENT Draw, you rascal: you come with letters against the

king; and take vanity the puppet's part against the

royalty of her father: draw, you rogue, or I'll so 35

carbonado your shanks: draw, you rascal; come your ways.

OSWALD Help, ho! murder! help!

KENT Strike, you slave; stand, rogue, stand; you neat

slave, strike.

[Beating him]

OSWALD Help, ho! murder! murder! 40

[Enter EDMUND, with his rapier drawn, CORNWALL,

REGAN, GLOUCESTER, and Servants]

EDMUND How now! What's the matter?

KENT With you, goodman boy, an you please: come, I'll

flesh ye; come on, young master.

GLOUCESTER Weapons! arms! What 's the matter here?

CORNWALL Keep peace, upon your lives: 45

He dies that strikes again. What is the matter?

REGAN The messengers from our sister and the king.

CORNWALL What is your difference? speak.

OSWALD I am scarce in breath, my lord.

KENT No marvel, you have so bestirred your valour. You 50

cowardly rascal, nature disclaims in thee: a

tailor made thee.

CORNWALL Thou art a strange fellow: a tailor make a man?

KENT Ay, a tailor, sir: a stone-cutter or painter could

not have made him so ill, though he had been but two 55

hours at the trade.

CORNWALL Speak yet, how grew your quarrel?

OSWALD This ancient ruffian, sir, whose life I have spared

at suit of his gray beard,--

KENT Thou whoreson zed! thou unnecessary letter! My 60

lord, if you will give me leave, I will tread this

unbolted villain into mortar, and daub the wall of

a jakes with him. Spare my gray beard, you wagtail?

CORNWALL Peace, sirrah!

You beastly knave, know you no reverence? 65

KENT Yes, sir; but anger hath a privilege.

CORNWALL Why art thou angry?

KENT That such a slave as this should wear a sword,

Who wears no honesty. Such smiling rogues as these,

Like rats, oft bite the holy cords a-twain 70

Which are too intrinse t' unloose; smooth every passion

That in the natures of their lords rebel;

Bring oil to fire, snow to their colder moods;

Renege, affirm, and turn their halcyon beaks

With every gale and vary of their masters, 75

Knowing nought, like dogs, but following.

A plague upon your epileptic visage!

Smile you my speeches, as I were a fool?

Goose, if I had you upon Sarum plain,

I'ld drive ye cackling home to Camelot. 80

CORNWALL Why, art thou mad, old fellow?

GLOUCESTER How fell you out? say that.

KENT No contraries hold more antipathy

Than I and such a knave.

CORNWALL Why dost thou call him a knave? What's his offence? 85

KENT His countenance likes me not.

CORNWALL No more, perchance, does mine, nor his, nor hers.

KENT Sir, 'tis my occupation to be plain:

I have seen better faces in my time

Than stands on any shoulder that I see 90

Before me at this instant.

CORNWALL This is some fellow,

Who, having been praised for bluntness, doth affect

A saucy roughness, and constrains the garb

Quite from his nature: he cannot flatter, he, 95

An honest mind and plain, he must speak truth!

An they will take it, so; if not, he's plain.

These kind of knaves I know, which in this plainness

Harbour more craft and more corrupter ends

Than twenty silly ducking observants 100

That stretch their duties nicely.

KENT Sir, in good sooth, in sincere verity,

Under the allowance of your great aspect,

Whose influence, like the wreath of radiant fire

On flickering Phoebus' front,-- 105

CORNWALL What mean'st by this?

KENT To go out of my dialect, which you

discommend so much. I know, sir, I am no

flatterer: he that beguiled you in a plain

accent was a plain knave; which for my part 110

I will not be, though I should win your displeasure

to entreat me to 't.

CORNWALL What was the offence you gave him?

OSWALD I never gave him any:

It pleased the king his master very late 115

To strike at me, upon his misconstruction;

When he, conjunct and flattering his displeasure,

Tripp'd me behind; being down, insulted, rail'd,

And put upon him such a deal of man,

That worthied him, got praises of the king 120

For him attempting who was self-subdued;

And, in the fleshment of this dread exploit,

Drew on me here again.

KENT None of these rogues and cowards

But Ajax is their fool. 125

CORNWALL Fetch forth the stocks!

You stubborn ancient knave, you reverend braggart,

We'll teach you--

KENT Sir, I am too old to learn:

Call not your stocks for me: I serve the king;

On whose employment I was sent to you: 130

You shall do small respect, show too bold malice

Against the grace and person of my master,

Stocking his messenger.

CORNWALL Fetch forth the stocks! As I have life and honour,

There shall he sit till noon. 135

REGAN Till noon! till night, my lord; and all night too.

KENT Why, madam, if I were your father's dog,

You should not use me so.

REGAN Sir, being his knave, I will.

CORNWALL This is a fellow of the self-same colour 140

Our sister speaks of. Come, bring away the stocks!

[Stocks brought out]

GLOUCESTER Let me beseech your grace not to do so:

His fault is much, and the good king his master

Will cheque him for 't: your purposed low correction

Is such as basest and contemned'st wretches 145

For pilferings and most common trespasses

Are punish'd with: the king must take it ill,

That he's so slightly valued in his messenger,

Should have him thus restrain'd.

CORNWALL I'll answer that. 150

REGAN My sister may receive it much more worse,

To have her gentleman abused, assaulted,

For following her affairs. Put in his legs.

[KENT is put in the stocks]

Come, my good lord, away.

[Exeunt all but GLOUCESTER and KENT]

GLOUCESTER I am sorry for thee, friend; 'tis the duke's pleasure, 155

Whose disposition, all the world well knows,

Will not be rubb'd nor stopp'd: I'll entreat for thee.

KENT Pray, do not, sir: I have watched and travell'd hard;

Some time I shall sleep out, the rest I'll whistle.

A good man's fortune may grow out at heels: 160

Give you good morrow!

GLOUCESTER The duke's to blame in this; 'twill be ill taken.

[Exit]

KENT Good king, that must approve the common saw,

Thou out of heaven's benediction comest

To the warm sun! 165

Approach, thou beacon to this under globe,

That by thy comfortable beams I may

Peruse this letter! Nothing almost sees miracles

But misery: I know 'tis from Cordelia,

Who hath most fortunately been inform'd 170

Of my obscured course; and shall find time

From this enormous state, seeking to give

Losses their remedies. All weary and o'erwatch'd,

Take vantage, heavy eyes, not to behold

This shameful lodging. 175

Fortune, good night: smile once more: turn thy wheel!

[Sleeps]

KENT		If I had thee in Lipsbury pinfold, I would make thee
		care for me.

KENT	A knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; a
	base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited,
	hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a	15
	lily-livered, action-taking knave, a whoreson,
	glass-gazing, super-serviceable finical rogue;
	one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a
	bawd, in way of good service, and art nothing but
	the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar,	20
	and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch: one whom I
	will beat into clamorous whining, if thou deniest
	the least syllable of thy addition.

OSWALD		Why, what a monstrous fellow art thou, thus to rail
		on one that is neither known of thee nor knows thee!	25

KENT	What a brazen-faced varlet art thou, to deny thou
	knowest me! Is it two days ago since I tripped up
	thy heels, and beat thee before the king? Draw, you
	rogue: for, though it be night, yet the moon
	shines; I'll make a sop o' the moonshine of you:	30
	draw, you whoreson cullionly barber-monger, draw.
	[Drawing his sword]

KENT	Draw, you rascal: you come with letters against the
	king; and take vanity the puppet's part against the
	royalty of her father: draw, you rogue, or I'll so	35
	carbonado your shanks: draw, you rascal; come your ways.

KENT		Strike, you slave; stand, rogue, stand; you neat
		slave, strike.
		[Beating him]

OSWALD	Help, ho! murder! murder!	40
	[Enter EDMUND, with his rapier drawn, CORNWALL,
	REGAN, GLOUCESTER, and Servants]

KENT		With you, goodman boy, an you please: come, I'll
		flesh ye; come on, young master.

CORNWALL		Keep peace, upon your lives:	45
		He dies that strikes again. What is the matter?

KENT	No marvel, you have so bestirred your valour. You	50
	cowardly rascal, nature disclaims in thee: a
	tailor made thee.

KENT	Ay, a tailor, sir: a stone-cutter or painter could
	not have made him so ill, though he had been but two	55
	hours at the trade.

OSWALD		This ancient ruffian, sir, whose life I have spared
		at suit of his gray beard,--

KENT	Thou whoreson zed! thou unnecessary letter! My	60
	lord, if you will give me leave, I will tread this
	unbolted villain into mortar, and daub the wall of
	a jakes with him. Spare my gray beard, you wagtail?

CORNWALL		Peace, sirrah!
		You beastly knave, know you no reverence?	65

KENT	That such a slave as this should wear a sword,
	Who wears no honesty. Such smiling rogues as these,
	Like rats, oft bite the holy cords a-twain	70
	Which are too intrinse t' unloose; smooth every passion
	That in the natures of their lords rebel;
	Bring oil to fire, snow to their colder moods;
	Renege, affirm, and turn their halcyon beaks
	With every gale and vary of their masters,	75
	Knowing nought, like dogs, but following.
	A plague upon your epileptic visage!
	Smile you my speeches, as I were a fool?
	Goose, if I had you upon Sarum plain,
	I'ld drive ye cackling home to Camelot.	80

KENT		No contraries hold more antipathy
		Than I and such a knave.

KENT	Sir, 'tis my occupation to be plain:
	I have seen better faces in my time
	Than stands on any shoulder that I see	90
	Before me at this instant.

CORNWALL	This is some fellow,
	Who, having been praised for bluntness, doth affect
	A saucy roughness, and constrains the garb
	Quite from his nature: he cannot flatter, he,	95
	An honest mind and plain, he must speak truth!
	An they will take it, so; if not, he's plain.
	These kind of knaves I know, which in this plainness
	Harbour more craft and more corrupter ends
	Than twenty silly ducking observants	100
	That stretch their duties nicely.

KENT	Sir, in good sooth, in sincere verity,
	Under the allowance of your great aspect,
	Whose influence, like the wreath of radiant fire
	On flickering Phoebus' front,--	105

KENT	To go out of my dialect, which you
	discommend so much. I know, sir, I am no
	flatterer: he that beguiled you in a plain
	accent was a plain knave; which for my part	110
	I will not be, though I should win your displeasure
	to entreat me to 't.

OSWALD	I never gave him any:
	It pleased the king his master very late	115
	To strike at me, upon his misconstruction;
	When he, conjunct and flattering his displeasure,
	Tripp'd me behind; being down, insulted, rail'd,
	And put upon him such a deal of man,
	That worthied him, got praises of the king	120
	For him attempting who was self-subdued;
	And, in the fleshment of this dread exploit,
	Drew on me here again.

KENT		None of these rogues and cowards
		But Ajax is their fool.	125

CORNWALL		Fetch forth the stocks!
		You stubborn ancient knave, you reverend braggart,
		We'll teach you--

KENT	Sir, I am too old to learn:
	Call not your stocks for me: I serve the king;
	On whose employment I was sent to you:	130
	You shall do small respect, show too bold malice
	Against the grace and person of my master,
	Stocking his messenger.

CORNWALL		Fetch forth the stocks! As I have life and honour,
		There shall he sit till noon.	135

KENT		Why, madam, if I were your father's dog,
		You should not use me so.

CORNWALL	This is a fellow of the self-same colour	140
	Our sister speaks of. Come, bring away the stocks!
	[Stocks brought out]

GLOUCESTER	Let me beseech your grace not to do so:
	His fault is much, and the good king his master
	Will cheque him for 't: your purposed low correction
	Is such as basest and contemned'st wretches	145
	For pilferings and most common trespasses
	Are punish'd with: the king must take it ill,
	That he's so slightly valued in his messenger,
	Should have him thus restrain'd.

REGAN		My sister may receive it much more worse,
		To have her gentleman abused, assaulted,
		For following her affairs. Put in his legs.
		[KENT is put in the stocks]
		Come, my good lord, away.
		[Exeunt all but GLOUCESTER and KENT]

GLOUCESTER	I am sorry for thee, friend; 'tis the duke's pleasure,	155
	Whose disposition, all the world well knows,
	Will not be rubb'd nor stopp'd: I'll entreat for thee.